Its been hard.

Everything is hard, but once again we all know no one who was and is in love says that love is sooo easy.

Love is hell.

But love is the only thing that would make you ignore reason. ignore everything that you've been taught that would be right; when inlove. Its really hard, I will always say that, maybe if i do get to have children and when i see that they would soon grow up i would tell them only thing about love. That its hard, everything is. And nothing and no one could make them prepare for it, but i want my children to know.

Coz when i was a child, i so love watching couples together. And often said to myself one day i would have that smile on mine with the person that i'll love. And now i do have that, but no one ever get to say then that being in love would let you feel so much anger but still you will chose to continue to love. Theres just time when you want to hate yourself because even though you're so hurt you still wish to go on with what you have- what you think is worth every pain that you have. When i was young i say to myself that i would never let my self be hurt or cry when ill be in a relationship, i promise i would leave at the very trace of unhappiness in the future, but im doing exactly the opposite. No one taught me to endure, but I guess love teaches you everything, the only emotion that teaches you every feeling there is. Sadness, Happiness, Anger, Excitement, Thrill, everything Love teaches you these. Yet when you think you have felt all, another feeling sprouts. But in all fairness when youre in love and happy every reason of pain and tears on the past makes you forget and continue to wish to be inlove.

i promise to hate you when your being so hard headed.

i promise that i wont support you with your reason,when it opposes mine. 

i promise that i would not keep that nasty, awful looking thing you've given me.

i promise that i wont understand you during the times when the only thing that you're doing a good job is make me angry.

i promise that i wont wait for you at night, after some heated discussion that we might have.

i promise that i wont talk to you, even when you say you're sorry.

i promise that i wont miss you when you're too faraway- just to say i can live without you.

i promise that i can handle being with you without hearing you say you love me.

i promise you that you will never find the time to hate me.

i promise you that there will never come a time that you cant understand me. 

i promise that you wont see me crying infront of you- coz i heard boys dont like cry babies.

i promise when the going gets worst, i wont need you.- i can handle myself, i will give you no trouble.

I promise you that you will always see me at my best- prim and proper; you cant see me drunk or vomiting or passing out or you cant even hear me yell even if im so angry. 

And yes, you wont hear me always saying how much i love you- im thinking you might get so used to it that it wont matter so much even i mean it.

I promise that there will always be good times between us.- i heard that boys dont like trouble.

So i promise, i will be easy to you. 

And know this,

 i cant pray with you always, you might hear me ask HIM to hit a little sense out of you at times when im hating you.

There were so many things that are going on right now, so many unfinished business, occasions to attend, deadlines to meet, demanding job to do- even demanding relationship, there are so many things. That Im wondering if: Is there a time when you want to say "give me some space for some days to gather myself"?-- I thought you would say YES, coz I admit there are numerous times when I want to keep it low and spend some peaceful, quiet time alone, but ofcourse, I would think again before saying it coz I would definitely hurt any person that I might say those words to. I do admit that Im getting really acquainted having to spend my days with my SO, but i still reminisce the times when Im with friends on How Independent I am before without being in a relationship. Me and my friends would talk about those nights we can do whatever we like without having to worry about an SO waiting, or calling you up. 

Dont get me wrong again if I say to myself at times, I can do more and be more without him. Because when youre in a relationship, Its not you alone, its already you alone with someone. And because of that, you think of the other person also. Decisions are then split up and discussed. Arguments and misunderstanding arise and because you care too much you learn to give a little, even more "little" than what you think you can give before you decided to be in a relationship and forget about yourself. I think Love is something that defies every understanding you make to your self about what you should be, without feeling guilty. When I was just a kid, I also dreamt about fairy tales, I dream about white long gowns and walking down the aisle with that special someone, and that special someone should be like this and like that. But when I grew up- I only found my SO like that without worrying because he isn't like this. 

Which is a good part isnt it?

But sometimes, some people are too preoccupied on dreaming of having someone to share their life with that they tend to decrease their standard on finding a guy without realizing that they think what their having right now is best for them. They settle for less. believe me, some people know that you are needing them and through that they ignore you and take advantage of what you can give and offer. And by this your not getting the love youve always dreamed of but only pity from the people who see you and know what you've been and could become. 

and by this. with all the busy schedule how about giving your self a rest from those deadlines, and think if what you're getting right now is what you really want.